Explain How You Can Hold On to a Heart You Planned on Breaking?

No seriously.

Really. I want to know.

Explain to me how you can hold on to a heart that you had planned on ultimately breaking?

Are you just being sadistic without trying?

Are you completely scared shitless of caring for a heart other than your own that you might as well go ahead and break it?

Or are you just stupid?

Now before anyone has their panties up in bunches, I'm not speaking about me and the Mr. (my fiance'). This has nothing to do with us and EVERYTHING to do with a situation I had just read online.

And this has nothing to do with anything or anyone that I know!*

Seriously... who is this moron of which I'm spewing mad and livid?

I'm not linking links. I'm not showing sites. I'm not even going to be giving real names.**

Let's call this brilliant POS Kat.*** And let's call her oh-so-smart other half Bob.****

Heh. BobKat*. Gives TomKat a run for their Scientology money...

But I digress.

Kat has had relationships before. So had Bob. Both had met each other through their work friends (respectively separate) that knew other friends.**

Instant connection. Kat, through meeting Bob for what could be considered EONS in teen years***, quickly realized that he is everything that she's ever wanted and so much more! Bob himself, having been hurt/tired/angered by what-ifs with other people, sees in Kat something totally different than the girls he's allowed himself to be attracted to.

Now you would think that the story ends with a plump and sprinkle-happy Fairy Godmother waving her sparkly wand to let the curtain fall and a chorus line of mice singing "... and they all lived Happily Ever After!", right?

Cue the Falling House and Ominous Organ Music.

Because apparently Kat's old sweetheart Dude* is back in the picture and quite possibly might want Kat back. And let's just say that Kat, whom despite having fallen in love at first sight with Bob, wasn't quite so-maybe-possibly... oh fuck it to hell! She was completely and utterly still in love with Dude. The dude, heh, had history with her and Kat can't seem to let that go.

But wait. Don't paint dear Bob to be the damsel quite yet**; he has a secret too.

See Bob really likes/liked/slightly possessive of Girl***. Who is Girl? Well Girl isn't an ex of Bob's so much as she is a friend that Bob really likes/liked/wanted to pounce. However, at the time, Girl was engaged to someone else. So despite her engagement, Bob still couldn't help himself from really liking/had liked/had declared bunch of times of being in love with Girl. It also didn't help that they had massive what-if chemistry that could have brought Aphrodite to her knees.*

Because really, you can't ignore the heat of someone that you really likes/liked/willing to throw all integrity and honor out the window for!

Still, you wonder, if Bob can't have Girl, he should have Kat, right? Well, here's the thing; before Bob and Kat became BobKat, Girl had broken her engagement because she couldn't deny herself from Bob any longer! So practically a few days before BobKat came to be, the train of BobGirl was looking to start full-steam ahead!

But of course came the collision course of BobKat.

So while Kat still sort of wanted Dude, despite lovin' the Bob, the dude of Bob himself wanted Girl, despite lovin' the Kat.

Still with me so far? If not, I really don't blame you because it took me THREE TIMES to read the bloody thing online to even remotely get the sense of the tale!

Now, normally I could give a flyin' monkey** about this drama; except one thing that pissed me off. Pay attention, this is crucial. Ready?

Kat, who couldn't decide between the two, had finally made a decision; she was going to break up with Bob so that she can be with Dude. It had "pained her" so much that her heart was shattering at the thought of breaking possibly the "true love of her life's heart." Okay, shit you not those were the words she used!

Oh wait, it gets better.

Kat wanted Dude so badly, but was scared to break Bob's heart because her own might break. The night she was going to meet up with Bob and break-up their relationship***, Kat suddenly received a phone call.

It was Dude! And, likely, totally wanted Kat to not see him anymore because, like, he had decided that being a "boyfriend" was WAY too much responsibility that he was, like, totally immature and confused to have right now...

So yeah! By default that Kat had named "fate/destiny", Kat realized that Bob is the one for her all along!

Fate-slash-destiny my Kate Beckinsale and John Cusack lovin' ass!

*cough* Anyway... as for the saga of Bob and his Girl; well, Girl had found out about Kat and her wishy-washy ways, realized that Bob was completely turned on by it THUS it turned Girl off from him because, fuck damnit she had broken an engagement for this dude!

And when I mean dude, I mean Bob.

So long story short; apparently you know you're destined to be with someone... BY DEFAULT.

"Oh, hi, so we are meant to be together because apparently if I can't be with the one I was going to break your heart over, I still have you, right? Oh happy joy! Let's celebrate our true love with a great big orgasmic rebound fuck!"

.... Seriously?

Seriously?

I need an aspirin.


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my pretty footnotes
* - ... or do I? Nah, I'm just joshin'... Or am I?...
** - Because nicknames are FUN!
*** - Whose other nickname is Pussy...
**** - Whose other nickname is Dick... See! Told ya there fun!

* - The whole BobKat thing was coincidence. I shit you not!
** - ... that know people, that know people, that -- well, crap, how incestuous you wanna be?
*** - Here's a TEEN YEARS calculation for you; 1 Minute = 1 Millennium. Do the math.

* - Lebowski is SO totally cooler than this other dude... I apologize for sullying the name.
** - Damsel... bitch... same difference by the end of this story.
*** - Since I went with Dude, Girl sounds even cooler by lame association.

* - And cue the dirty puns! You know you were thinking of them.... naughty....
** - I love flying monkeys. They are so much smarter than you're average BobKat!
*** - Remember the TEEN YEARS math? Apparently you're practically raising grand kids if you've been seeing each other for more than A WEEK! BobKat? Sitting on a porch in their rockers...