If I Won The Lotto Tomorrow...

"... well I know I wouldn't bother going on no spending spree."

Damn straight.

You know what I would do?

Ten words, two things, one purpose: Traveling to New York City and seeing "In The Heights."

Now, I'm a Broadway Spaz. Seriously, I geek out in the worst way whenever I stumble upon a new musical that becomes my "15-minute" obsession.

"Movin' Out" was one of the first modern Broadway musicals that I had spazzed out over and was also the musical that helped inspired my last-minute-getaway to New York City (mainly because I had heard it was closing and needed to see it before then).


(the genius of Billy Joel's lyrics sung by the incredibly talented musician Michael Cavanaugh, whom incidently I have on Facebook)

Another musical I had come to love and familiarize myself with was "Avenue Q". A saucy, witty, enjoyable "Seasame Street" meets "South Park" show about life, love, work, finding your purpose, and puppet sex all under the great New York sky!


(the musical that started my ill-attempted love affair with John Tartaglia, whom could thoroughly relate to the character of Rod)

Of course I was also one of those that fell under the wickedly beautiful spell of "Wicked" because quite honestly whom doesn't love the chemistry and the power house voices of Idina Menzel (whom originally played the Wicked Witch, Elphaba) and Kristin Chenoweth


(seriously, I dare you NOT to get chills watching this! Idina so deserved her win!)

Then, of course, there was "Rent". I'm not a die-hard Rent-head, but I certainly am not one of those last-minute bandwagon jumpers that had become a fan the moment it debuted on the big screen. Granted it made it more accessible to yours truly to seeing it, but I honestly loved the Rent - Live on Broadway version a lot more than the mainstream movie (and I also love it as well)!


(THE anthem to young people alike WORLD-WIDE)

And of course like any fans of Broadway (or musicals in general), I extremely geek out at individual artists like Gavin Creel (Hair, Thoroughly Modern Millie), Aaron Tviet (Next to Normal), Karen Olivo (In the Heights, West Side Story), Idina Menzel, John Tartaglia, etc... etc...

My newest obsession is no different.

Picture this; April of 2009, yours truly surfing through youtube and stumbling upon this:

"What is this?" I had wondered. "Rap in a musical?!" I was initially stunned! This was not your traditional musical to say the least.

In the Heights tells the universal story of a vibrant community in
Manhattan's Washington Heights – a place where the coffee from the corner bodega is light and sweet, the windows are always open, and the breeze carries
the rhythm of three generations of music. It's a community on the brink of
change, full of hopes, dreams and pressures, where the biggest struggles can be
deciding which traditions you take with you, and which ones you leave behind.

(http://www.intheheightsthemusical.com/story.html)

Most especially I was smitten, nay blown the f* AWAY, by the exceptional talant that is Lin-Manuel Miranda, the creator and lyricist for the musical (and the original Usnavi).

Not since my teen years of falling under Eminem's lyrical spell have I fallen for a rapping wordsmith like Lin! And hot damn can this bastard spit the rhymes!



And this is just one of the few promo videos he's made to promote his musical. This Tony-winner also performs with a rap-improve group called Freestyle Love Supreme.

Seriously! How sick was that?!

But what definitely had gotten to me wasn't just his performance as Usnavi. It was the words and the music he had created that spoke to my heart! From the moment the lines of "Lights up in Washington, Heights at the break of day..." he's created characters that I could relate to!

From Nina, the young woman back from her first year of college and fearing that she's letting everyone down because she didn't believe in herself to handle the world outside of home....

"This is my street
I smile at the faces I've known all my life
They regard me with pride
And everyone's sweet
They say, "You're going places!"
So how can I say that while I was away, I had so much to hide!
Hey guys, it's me!
The biggest disappointment you know
The kid couldn't hack it, she's back and she's walkin real slow
Welcome home
Just breathe... "

to Vanessa, wanting more to find "home" away from the crappy environment she'd grown up around and desperately needing to escape...

"The neighborhood salon is the place I am working for the moment
As I cut their hair, ladies talk and share-
Every day, who's doing who and why
The neighborhood salon doesn't pay me what I wanna be making but I don't
mind
As I sweep the curb I can hear those turbo engines blazing a trail
through the sky
I look up and think about the years gone by
But one day I'm walking to JFK and I'm gonna fly!
It won't be long now
Any day..."

to even the character of Usnavi himself...

"Yeah, I'm a streetlight
Choking on the heat
The world spins around
While I'm frozen to my seat
The people that I know
All keep rolling down the street
But every day is different
So I'm switchin up the beat..."

Lin-Manuel Miranda had gone beyond giving everyday people a voice, he's given them a musical that gives young people hope for something beyond more than pride, money, success... a chance to find their home and where they truly belong.

Anyway, coincidentaly, when "Movin' Out" moved out of Broadway, guess what musical now occupies the Richard Rodgers Theatre?

Uh huh... I am destined to see this show before it closes! Full circle for yours truly to return to the theatre that she first popped her Broadway musical cherry. If it's not serendipity saying that I should see this musical before it leaves, I give up all rights to lovin' John Cusack!

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Musical Footnotes:

• Quote in Header - "96,000"; Benny
• Nina - "Breathe"
• Vanessa - "It Won't Be Long Now"
• Usnavi - "In The Heights" opening number
  

A Few Things Learned While Working Retail

Surprisingly I've come to find that working retail is a great study into human nature than I ever thought possible. Oh, and please keep in mind that while this is an observation (and a slightly sarcastic one at that), this is no way shape or form reflects the opinion of any companies (past or present) that I've been employed in.

1. Commerce Persona Equation; for every "asshole/shithead" customer, there is a "pleasant/worthwhile" customer of equal or greater value.


2. Sensible Acumen Conundrum; when a confusion occurs because of an absence of common sense. For example; a customer wondering what time the shop is closed, despite the Hours Of Operation sign standing a mere foot in front of them.


3. Information Repetition Anxiety; a form of irritation due to having to repeat oneself because of a customer's lack of hearing and/or common sense.


4. Monetary Disposition Formula; consider that where X is the depth of the customer's financial pockets, Y is the value of the customer's id, N is the amount of time spent shopping, and Z is the proverbial "shit" the clerk has to take from the customer, the formula is as followed; X(Y) + N = Z.


5. Exaggerated Doppelganger Conviction; where the customer believes that they can do the job better than the clerk themselves, more so if the customer had no former training yet is driven purely by one's id. The stronger the EDC, the more likely an EDE (Exaggerated Doppelganger Experiment, see below) will occur.


6. Exaggerated Doppelganger Experiment; where the customer attempts to convince the clerk (and possibly themselves) that they can do the job better than what they (the clerks) were trained to do.


7. Incessant Idle Irritant; a customer that cannot stop talking, even beyond the point of purchase(s) made.


8. Miser Reduction Paradox; when a customer refuses to spend X amount on one item, yet spends double, even triple, the X amount during a sales event.


9. Perpetual Stipulate Adversity; a form of headache/annoyance caused by a customer's relentless pursuit to haggle an item to its lowest dollar amount possible, despite being told countless times that the price is either "as is" or "cannot go any lower."


10. Excursionist Dissimulate Inhabitant; when an "out-of-state" customer asks for a "local" bargaining rate. For example; a Mainlander vacationing in Hawaii asking for a "ka'amainaa" rate just because they have a family member that is an Hawaiian resident.

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Post Notes:

• thesaurus.com is my friend
• I wouldn't trade working retail for any occupation in the world; except for maybe being John Cusack's personal assistant.
• Number 10 was contributed by Fiance'. Originally it was called the "Touristis Pretendis Localist" but I wanted a more "scientific-feel" to it. Plus I really couldn't repeat what he had originally defined it as because A) I couldn't remember it word for word, and B) it was too damn funny that I was laughing my ass off, THUS resulting in reason A.

Explain How You Can Hold On to a Heart You Planned on Breaking?

No seriously.

Really. I want to know.

Explain to me how you can hold on to a heart that you had planned on ultimately breaking?

Are you just being sadistic without trying?

Are you completely scared shitless of caring for a heart other than your own that you might as well go ahead and break it?

Or are you just stupid?

Now before anyone has their panties up in bunches, I'm not speaking about me and the Mr. (my fiance'). This has nothing to do with us and EVERYTHING to do with a situation I had just read online.

And this has nothing to do with anything or anyone that I know!*

Seriously... who is this moron of which I'm spewing mad and livid?

I'm not linking links. I'm not showing sites. I'm not even going to be giving real names.**

Let's call this brilliant POS Kat.*** And let's call her oh-so-smart other half Bob.****

Heh. BobKat*. Gives TomKat a run for their Scientology money...

But I digress.

Kat has had relationships before. So had Bob. Both had met each other through their work friends (respectively separate) that knew other friends.**

Instant connection. Kat, through meeting Bob for what could be considered EONS in teen years***, quickly realized that he is everything that she's ever wanted and so much more! Bob himself, having been hurt/tired/angered by what-ifs with other people, sees in Kat something totally different than the girls he's allowed himself to be attracted to.

Now you would think that the story ends with a plump and sprinkle-happy Fairy Godmother waving her sparkly wand to let the curtain fall and a chorus line of mice singing "... and they all lived Happily Ever After!", right?

Cue the Falling House and Ominous Organ Music.

Because apparently Kat's old sweetheart Dude* is back in the picture and quite possibly might want Kat back. And let's just say that Kat, whom despite having fallen in love at first sight with Bob, wasn't quite so-maybe-possibly... oh fuck it to hell! She was completely and utterly still in love with Dude. The dude, heh, had history with her and Kat can't seem to let that go.

But wait. Don't paint dear Bob to be the damsel quite yet**; he has a secret too.

See Bob really likes/liked/slightly possessive of Girl***. Who is Girl? Well Girl isn't an ex of Bob's so much as she is a friend that Bob really likes/liked/wanted to pounce. However, at the time, Girl was engaged to someone else. So despite her engagement, Bob still couldn't help himself from really liking/had liked/had declared bunch of times of being in love with Girl. It also didn't help that they had massive what-if chemistry that could have brought Aphrodite to her knees.*

Because really, you can't ignore the heat of someone that you really likes/liked/willing to throw all integrity and honor out the window for!

Still, you wonder, if Bob can't have Girl, he should have Kat, right? Well, here's the thing; before Bob and Kat became BobKat, Girl had broken her engagement because she couldn't deny herself from Bob any longer! So practically a few days before BobKat came to be, the train of BobGirl was looking to start full-steam ahead!

But of course came the collision course of BobKat.

So while Kat still sort of wanted Dude, despite lovin' the Bob, the dude of Bob himself wanted Girl, despite lovin' the Kat.

Still with me so far? If not, I really don't blame you because it took me THREE TIMES to read the bloody thing online to even remotely get the sense of the tale!

Now, normally I could give a flyin' monkey** about this drama; except one thing that pissed me off. Pay attention, this is crucial. Ready?

Kat, who couldn't decide between the two, had finally made a decision; she was going to break up with Bob so that she can be with Dude. It had "pained her" so much that her heart was shattering at the thought of breaking possibly the "true love of her life's heart." Okay, shit you not those were the words she used!

Oh wait, it gets better.

Kat wanted Dude so badly, but was scared to break Bob's heart because her own might break. The night she was going to meet up with Bob and break-up their relationship***, Kat suddenly received a phone call.

It was Dude! And, likely, totally wanted Kat to not see him anymore because, like, he had decided that being a "boyfriend" was WAY too much responsibility that he was, like, totally immature and confused to have right now...

So yeah! By default that Kat had named "fate/destiny", Kat realized that Bob is the one for her all along!

Fate-slash-destiny my Kate Beckinsale and John Cusack lovin' ass!

*cough* Anyway... as for the saga of Bob and his Girl; well, Girl had found out about Kat and her wishy-washy ways, realized that Bob was completely turned on by it THUS it turned Girl off from him because, fuck damnit she had broken an engagement for this dude!

And when I mean dude, I mean Bob.

So long story short; apparently you know you're destined to be with someone... BY DEFAULT.

"Oh, hi, so we are meant to be together because apparently if I can't be with the one I was going to break your heart over, I still have you, right? Oh happy joy! Let's celebrate our true love with a great big orgasmic rebound fuck!"

.... Seriously?

Seriously?

I need an aspirin.


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my pretty footnotes
* - ... or do I? Nah, I'm just joshin'... Or am I?...
** - Because nicknames are FUN!
*** - Whose other nickname is Pussy...
**** - Whose other nickname is Dick... See! Told ya there fun!

* - The whole BobKat thing was coincidence. I shit you not!
** - ... that know people, that know people, that -- well, crap, how incestuous you wanna be?
*** - Here's a TEEN YEARS calculation for you; 1 Minute = 1 Millennium. Do the math.

* - Lebowski is SO totally cooler than this other dude... I apologize for sullying the name.
** - Damsel... bitch... same difference by the end of this story.
*** - Since I went with Dude, Girl sounds even cooler by lame association.

* - And cue the dirty puns! You know you were thinking of them.... naughty....
** - I love flying monkeys. They are so much smarter than you're average BobKat!
*** - Remember the TEEN YEARS math? Apparently you're practically raising grand kids if you've been seeing each other for more than A WEEK! BobKat? Sitting on a porch in their rockers...

When I Grow Up, I Want to Stop Being Asked To See My I.D.

... and seeing as that might not happen until -- uh, *mentally counts* -- possibly TEN years from now "Why Gosh Darn, Tinkerbell, I'll NEVER grow up!"

So a few days ago at work*, upon thoughtful consideration as to what to get my boss upon her milestone of turning twenty-five, I had started a mental countdown and have come to the startling realization...

"Holy Shit! I'm turning THIRTY in less than FOUR YEARS!"

Thirty. The big whopper that is THREE and ZERO.

Last time I had bemoaned a turning-point, I was twenty-two bitching about turning twenty-five! And that was *counts on fingers* FOUR YEARS AGO.

And before that, I had dropped out of college -- for reasons long past "Seriously you think I give a flying monkey as to why it's your business"** -- and enjoying the slacker mall life-style while silently stewing "Gee, I hope to have 1) fallen in love, and 2) marry Elijah Wood."*** by the time I was twenty-five.

And even LONGER before that, at stunningly naive age of seventeen, as a High School Senior I was daydreaming of my ten year reunion and flying back home with my "handsome and successful husband"**** after having jet-setted around the world due to my "book tour."*****

Oh, and don't get me started as to what type of future I was thinking about during my teenybopper years... let me just say that I too was one of those girls that wished for a Cinderella-type story with a Backstreet Boy* prince.

By the way; to the Jonas Brothers' fans: Good luck with YOUR Cinderella love story!

Anyway I digress...

Thirty. Wow. Seriously? Thirty.

Am I a decade too early to have a mid-life crisis?

It's not like I'm unhappy with how my life has turned out; quite the opposite actually.

• I've got a job (which is better than most people during our nation's current financial state).
• I'm not living at "home" (granted it's a small studio/room owned by my grandparents, BUT I'm still paying rent...).
• I've got my health (which I should probably take better care of, BUT damn it who can say no to Starbucks? Seriously?).
• I've travelled off "the rock" (only to fall in love with ANOTHER island**, but that's another story).
• I'm happily engaged (a prince of boy band he is not, a prince of darkness*** however...).

So you see, my life is pretty sweet considering that my brain can't seem to comprehend that I'm adding ANOTHER decade onto my existence.

Thirty. Damn. I don't feel it yet that's what I'll be in another four years.

Thirty.

And I'll STILL get carded at the freakin' BARS!

... wait, huh? Oh yeah... I'll STILL get carded at the bars!

Because despite turning the big bad 3-0, I'll still look like a tiny 2-0.

Wow. Finally it pays to being a short Asian girl... and next time I'm at the bar, I'll certainly drink to that.

But before that, I'll gladly show you my I.D.

My lovely colored footnotes
* - Retail rocks!... no, seriously it does....
** - No offense. But yeah, flying monkeys. Call me Elphaba.
*** - Pre-John Cusack, Post-Nick Carter.
**** - At the time, preferably a Backstreet Boy or N Syncer.
***** - J.K. Rowling and Stephenie Meyer has since jaded my outlook on female writers... Mark my words; Zombie Love Story.
* - Nick Carter.
** - Manhattan.
*** - To my Babe, Satan wants his fire-and-brimstone throne back...